I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
