Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
