He is an equal opportunity slut.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
