i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
