Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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