i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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