I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
