I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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