im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
