if i can run in heels then i can drive
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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