I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
