This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
