It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
