I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
