I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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