I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
