barbara walters just said penis...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
and you fell through a lawn chair
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
