I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
