I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
