i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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