Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize