How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just invented taco cereal.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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