Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
