there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
