Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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