im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Farmville is her only friend.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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