So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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