Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
