i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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