I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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