Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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