Yo dont text me then not text me
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
