know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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