remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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