You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
