are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
