Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
