And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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