Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
