unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
