You smell like a Billy Joel song
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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