Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
