Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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