She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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