No stitches, just platelets and will power
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
