I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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