He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The feeling are messing with the penis
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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