He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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