she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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