you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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