I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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