i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
