yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
