he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
