Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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