the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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