When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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