Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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