mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
