If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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