I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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