drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Blood and glitter go together right?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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