Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
