Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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