you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
