I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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