I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
