My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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