as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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