What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
