so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
